"Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." Spike Milligan said that...and I'm here to tell you how right he was. I'm not going to dig up all my trials and tribulations which have tested my mentality and endurance over the last 4 years. I don't have a big enough shovel for a start. On the stress scale, the top main causes for such is moving house, divorce, money (the severe LACK of) and fear of uncertainty. When you lump all 4 of those together you go into hyperventilation and basically can't tell your arse from your elbow. When a marriage breaks down for whatever reason, the initial elation kicks in (let's face it...if it wasn't worth sticking around for, run for your life and kick up some dust along the way!) but reality hits like a brick wall. Moving house isn't always in the plan so when it is forced there is nothing in this world you can do. Not unless you have the cash to buy the other out or go find somewhere new without pressure. I had a little shop below my 3 bedroom flat on a busy Main Street. For the first couple of years of being on my own, all was pretty much well....kind of. I wanted to have that time to build the business a little more on my own but realise now that it would probably have been best to bite the bullet and put it all up for sale immediately. Hindsight is a proverbial...with a capital B, ending in D, middle letters ASTAR! As soon as the 'For Sale' sign was attached to that pretty window it was more or less curtains for the business. Cake orders dwindled faster than a packet of Maltesers in my hands. Like the little pig's house of straw, it all came tumbling down around me. Every penny became a prisoner...unless I ran out of mascara. C'mon. You understand, right?
My poor little dog has also suffered these hard times. Earlier this year she was so badly needing groomed. I remembered that I had a set of clippers in the attic and decided to give her a haircut at home. I'd always cut the fringes (bangs to those of you in the US) of my girls when they were little. What could be so different? Let me tell you....it's a whole different ball game working with clippers on a hand knitted dog than cutting a straight line across the forehead of a wee lassie! My poor Princess was left looking like she suffered from alopecia and had to wear a doggy jumper for weeks until most of it grew back! Never again. But desperate measures were very often required on a regular basis. Heating couldn't be afforded much so during the winter months I began a relationship with two hot water bottles who will now remain in my life forever! A snuggie blanket and fleecy onesie, one hottie tucked into the small of my back and the other at my feet...pure bliss! My duvet wasn't the best either. With all the layers on me before I got IN to the bed, I was probably rated a higher Tog than the bloody duvet!
At times when you fall flat on your arse, you surely get to know those who really care. I have to say that I struggle to name anyone who didn't which is pretty damn amazing. There are many things I kept...and will keep...to myself, but I shared enough information about this shi**y period for people to realise that all was not as it should be. Facebook gets a bad write up sometimes, people sharing stuff they later regret and continue to complain about but then share some more. People using it as a playground to bash each other...but this isn't my experience, although I've been known to share some rants of course, it's all in the name of 'banter' and it has kept my sanity (what's left of it) in check. Without the support of my Facebook friends I can honestly say that I may not have reached this point with such determination and gritted teeth. The highlights of this year have been the birth of my granddaughter, Jessica Lorraine (I had to get her second name in!) and also the completion of my book which is being launched next month. Did I just say that?? NEXT month! At times I thought I couldn't do it. I couldn't muster the energy and concentration required to put those words down and reach the finish line. But a little part of that flame still burned and I KNEW that this day would come, albeit months later. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. FACT!
TODAY....I am in my own little castle ....a rented one with 3 other flats attached but who cares. The old place has finally SOLD and the hardship has been lifted. It's now up to me to make sure I never know such times again. Fancy handbags and expensive shoes are all well and good if you have money to burn. I won't be burning any soon. Maybe one day....
IT'S OVER! I'm BACK!